Area Priest Becomes Airport Security Guy Who Pats People Down

New York City – Father Donald Reynolds felt he had found a role in the world that allowed him to do good. But after the recent spate of accusations against priests, he felt it was time to get out and do good elsewhere: He became an airport security guy who pats people down.

“Due to recent events, people have become very wary and afraid,” said Reynolds. “Every time someone goes to chur– I mean, the airport, he puts his confidence in the prie-- I mean, security, believing they will do everything to ensure his salvat—I mean, safety. That kind of trust can’t be breached, and I feel I can help assuage the misgivings of the parishion—I mean, travelers, by being the airport security guy who pats people down.”

Reynolds said he enjoyed his new job immensely. “It’s a great way to get to know the people, how they’re feeling – and through what they’re feeling, what I’m feeling, too. By that, I mean my confidence in the Church has been shaken, and being the pillar of trust for others is helping me to heal as well.

Reynolds especially likes patting down pants. “Who knew the modern youth’s pants had so many pockets?” he twittered.







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