Disgruntled Aliens To Never Visit Earth Again

Old Huskin’s Field, MO – Alien representatives issued a collective statement late last night through flashing lights and sounds confirming suspicions that their appearance here would be the last.

“Humans of Planet Earth! You are f—ed up! We are leaving!” said Muglaah of Latrop, a large, silicon-based life-form. “There are just too many things inherently deviant in your psychosocioeconomic collective personality factors! Blumfulus Damn You!”

“What Muglaah is trying to say,” added Nxmbrx, representative of the Fermented Federated Planets of Pooz, “is that while disguised as a waitress at Chuck’s Diner, he did not receive any large tips last night. Because he didn’t get enough tips, he couldn’t put up gas money when it was his turn, so we ate one of his tentacles. He’s just annoyed that most of you aren’t really generous.”

Aaeaieaei of Oubobuubo added. “Hey, look, it’s not the 9/11 stuff, or the subtle downward trends in your culture and government. That stuff is really fascinating. Humans aren’t the only ones who do all that crap to each other, and by watching you we learn more about ourselves. But after Muglaah couldn’t put up enough money and we ate his tentacle, we agreed that gas prices here really are too high. So we’ve filled up one last time and we’re off to suck the hydrogen out of your sun.”

“Oh, and sorry about Carrot Top, our bad,” said Nxmbrx.







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