Bananas Rally To Show Support For America

Palo Alto, CA – Bananas gathered together in bunches upon bunches here Wednesday to show their steadfast support of America; many of them bore American flags and other American emblems in a clear demonstration of loyalty and patriotism. Crowds cheered often as speakers declared that bananas “would put aside their petty differences, and stand, well, sit in a basket with other fruits, and with America.”

In these times of fear and struggle, there is a great need for bananas,” said banana spokesman Liddy Dole, wife of former congressman Bob Dole and accidental publicity tool of the Dole fruit company. “Bananas have excellent nutritional value- they’re full of essential vitamins, with four times more protein than apples and plenty of calcium, iron, and ascorbic acid. They’re also a big part of the American way of life. Real Americans love banana splits and banana shakes -- and they also work fairly well when learning how to use a condom, I’m told.”

Some attendants of the banana rally expressed doubt as to the banana’s sincerity. Johnny Appleseed, who watched from the sidelines, commented that “most bananas aren’t even grown in the United States. They’re immigrants, and all this flag-waving and baby-kissing is just insurance to make sure the American public doesn’t begin mistrusting them. But the apple, now, that’s a real American fruit. An apple a day keeps Osama away.”

Banana legal experts reminded the public that it was cruel and unusual to detain a banana uneaten without reason for more than a week, and that bananas which looked brown and mushy on the outside are often still good and perfectly edible on the inside.







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