Local Man Delivers “State Of My Bunion” Address

Plonkin, MI - “My fellow Hotchkinses,” began James Hotchkins, 64, at his home this past Thursday, “my bunion still really, really, really hurts. To the extent that it is not funny when you ‘accidentally’ step on my big toe. In truth, the state of my bunion could not possibly be any worse.”

A bunion, a painful, inflamed swelling of the bursa at the first joint of the big toe, characterized by enlargement of the joint and lateral displacement of the toe, is known to result mainly from years of wearing ill-fitting shoes.

“My father and his father and all the forefathers before me have had abnormally wide feet,” continued Hotchkins. “So in retrospect it was no surprise that a bunion developed on my foot after years of wearing 5-inch stillettos and dressing in neon blue cocktail dresses. But this revelation does not lessen my pain: in fact it increases it, for now not only do I have a bunion but I cannot go out to Francoise’s Pink Flamingo Club every Tuesday for Seniors’ Specials.”

“This may please some of you, my opposition, but in the spirit of a unified Hotchkins family I encourage you to put aside your petty differences and join me in passing the James Hotchkins relief package. The package allots the next three weeks’ grocery budget to me, to spend on a motorized wheel chair and a new sequined dress. And bunion treatment, of course.”

Hotchkin’s proposal was met with a standing ovation from his granddaughter, Twyla, age 3.







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