Earthquake Knocks California Into Ocean, Other States Breathe Sigh of Relief

LOS ANGELES, CA - A massive earthquake today caused the state of California to break off from the continent and slide into the Pacific Ocean. Nearby states described themselves as "immensely relieved" that the state was entirely underwater.

"Finally, we got it to take a bath!" said Arizona. "The smell was unbelievable! The whole southwest reeked of pot and free love! Plus it had hippies, and they're contagious if you don't keep them under control."

Other states had already begun to enact counter-measures against California's aroma before the catastrophic earthquake occurred. Utah's Great Salt Lake was recently converted to baking soda. Oregon put in millions of pine trees along its border with California, acting both as a giant pine-scented air freshener and a buffer to keep any escaping tree-huggers from entering the state.

Scientists are still unsure of exactly what caused the earthquake. An official press release from Nevada stated, "We categorically deny any rumors that we possess an Earthquake Machine. I mean, what would we fund a project like that with? Money from Las Vegas? As if we actually make any profit off those casinos, what with the thousands of people who win big there every day! Visit Las Vegas on your next vacation! Anyway, where's the motivation? We liked the smell, and the smog that was slowly starting to creep over the border, choking out all life in its path."

Federal authorities have concluded that the earthquake was probably caused naturally, but still urge citizens to keep a look out for any underground races of mole people they may encounter.







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