Underage Drinking Party Comes To Dramatic End

Tulsa, OK - What could end a night of underage revelry faster than police, parents or fire? Vampires. On Friday night, Chris Sasson, 18, threw a standard alcohol party at his Tulsa home. “My parents had planned on being away for the weekend, so I was all like ‘hey, lets par-tay at my place,’” explained Sasson.

Sasson passed flyers around East Tulsa High on Wednesday and Thursday, noting the location and time, and asking the students to “keep it on the ‘dl’ [ed. Teenage slang for surreptitious].” Sasson estimates close to 50 people attended the fête. Police estimated about 17 escaped with their lives. “Yeah, we ain’t seen nothing like this in quite a whiles,” says Chief of Police Robert Maldon, “we had a zombie scare a few years back, but that turned out to just be some poor folk who had been in a collapse at the flour factory.”

At around 10:00 the soiree was in full swing. “We had this great keg of Heineken, and Billy was just about to do this keg stand when we heard this scream from the woods. We were all like, ‘Oh man, Jenny must have just realized she sucked Pete’s dick.’” Jennifer Tilsman, 17, class slut, had just realized something; she realized that she was out of blood. Because of vampires. A swarm of hungry vampires invaded the Sasson compound in the form of bats. They swooped down upon the frightened, inebriated teen-agers with astonishing speed and fury.

The bloodbath that ensued was only mildly amusing to the police. “Well, the parents were pretty upset, that kind of spoiled our mood,” Maldon said, “but you know, vampires are so cool!” Robert Maldon is right. Vampires are cool.







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