This week, we take you to our new correspondent in the field, Mark Goffbird, for a special Fine Line report on airport security measures.

Mark Goffbird here, live from JFK International Airport in scenic New York City. I'm currently waiting in line at the security checkpoint, looking just like any of the other travelers here. What the security guards don't know, however, is that I'm actually here undercover, to test their ability to stop potential terrorists from getting weapons on board aircraft.

So how exactly will you be testing them, Mark?

Well, it's going to be a three-part test, actually. First of all, to check their ability to screen luggage, I have a fully loaded AK-74 assault rifle in my carry-on bag, along with a couple of pistols and a box cutter. Second, explosives detection - my shoes are rigged so that if I click my heels together three times while saying "There's no place like home", they'll explode. Finally, the fitness test, in which I try to sprint past the checkpoint into the airport.

Sounds very thorough. You have notified the airport officials that what you're doing is just a test, right?

Of course not! If they knew beforehand that they were being tested, they would try harder and the whole thing would be ruined!

Um...

Oops, can't talk right now...I'm happy to report that the guards at this airport have passed both the first and second parts and are now trying to arrest me. Time for part three! BANZAI!

Mark? Mark?! Are you there? ...looks like he's finished. We really need to get some reporters with a stronger sense of self-preservation. Oh well, until next time, this is The Fine Line, signing off.







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