God Slowly Getting Back at Beatles For Whole 'Bigger Than Jesus' Thing

Heaven – The world, in a state of shock after the tragic death of ex-Beatle George Harrison, is seeking answers. Turning it's eyes to God, humanity was shocked when Heaven's press office issued a release stating that God was "intimately involved" in the death of the 58 year old rock legend. God apparently calculated Harrison's death years ago, planting the cancer in his DNA.

"It's not just George," said God in an interview after the brief was released, "it's the whole band." God cited many reasons for his wrath at the pop-quartet, ranging from copying his son Jesus's look in their latter years to "that Honey pie song from the White Album." But God's biggest problem came when John Lennon, with the rest of the Beatles in tow claimed that the band was "bigger than Jesus."

"Oh man, I was pissed. At first, I had planned for them all to die peaceful deaths late in life. John was going to die having sex." Immediately after John made that fateful statement, God set to work.

"My favorite part was when I made him fall in love with that Yoko Ono banshee. That may be my most wrathful act since Job." After years of torture, God ordered Lennon shot.

"After Lennon, I mellowed out a bit. I had planned for them all to die quickly, but I was distracted by the whole 'disco' movement. That had me busy smiting people for decades." God quickly got back on track, devising elaborate schemes for the deaths of the remaining Beatles.

"I've been really into the cancer recently, so I decided George could use a bit of that. Originally, I was going to just have him eaten by a whale." God refused to comment on the dates and methods of Ringo and Pauls deaths.

Added God, "I'm not really sure I want Ringo up here, but I guess as long as we keep him away from drums and microphones..."







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