‘Littlest Congressman’ Reminds Public: America Not Technically At War

Capitol Hill – In a public statement today attended by 2 reporters and drowned out by the general hawkish, unquestioning sentiment surrounding Congress, The Littlest Representative William Tidlikins III (D., MT) gently reminded the public that “America is not actually, technically-speaking, really at war with anyone.”

“I suppose it’s not really that important,” said the meek, bespectacled, 4’11” Tidlikins, “but, you know, America doesn’t just hop right in to battle. Congress is supposed to declare war, and then we go. It’s not a big deal, you know, I just thought you’d like to know.”

“Well, that’s all I have to say, really,” said Tidlikins, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, who are we kidding? We’re bombing the turbans off those guys, we’re pretty much at war. Little technicalities don’t get in the way anymore ... Oh well. Thanks for coming, you guys.”

As Tidlikins dismounted the podium and shuffled his way back to his office, he was heard to mumble “Stupid big kids. War Powers Act, meh-meh-meh. Mandate, schmandate. They just don’t want me on their team. Man, I’ll never get to declare war on anybody.”







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