Bush Hires Texas Rangers For Nat'l Missile Defense

  CRAWFORD, TX- President Bush announced from his ranch Friday that he would begin employing the Texas Rangers, the baseball team he once owned, to defend the nation against incoming nuclear missiles and other weapons of mass destruction.

"Think about it!" said Bush, pointing to his head. "A missile ain't anything more than a long fly that the opposing team sent out to left field! Outfielder catches it, throws to third, third baseman throws to home, and they're outta there!" Bush excitedly waved his hands to indicate "out," and then realized reporters were still in the room.

Capital Hill Democrats were quick to challenge the plan. "This defense spending is absurd," said one senator. "Why spend billions of dollars to pay a baseball team? Americans will never stand for this ludicrous spending ... oh, wait."

Other congressmen were concerned about what other initiatives would be affected. "The Texas Rangers shouldn't be employed for missile defense; we ought to put them in the classrooms, or trade them to another club for Social Security fund. Leave missile defense to faith-based organizations."

The plan to use the Texas Rangers suffered a minor setback when President Bush was first informed that Walker, Texas Ranger was not a member of the team; it quickly suffered another setback when Bush was told that Walker, Texas Ranger, was not real.







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