Area Man Discovers There Really Is A Never-Ending Story III

“Holy shit!” declared Rob Jergens, 26, while watching the promotions on a video tape of Schoolhouse Rock. “I thought the series died after the second one. But it is supposed to be never-ending, so it makes sense.”

Jergens was doubly shocked to find that rising comedian Jack Black, star of the recent Orange County, was the villain in Never-Ending Story III. “This is just weird,” he declared to no one in particular. “I don’t know if I can go on living the way I have before.” Jergens then continued to watch Schoolhouse Rock.

In the Never-Ending Story III, Bastian returns to Fantasia to help the empress save her world from the evil Nasties, with the aid of his magical friends. In the fourth in the series, the friendly dragon Falcore gets sick of aiding child actors and eats Bastian. In the fifth movie, Bastian’s magical friends ask him why his name isn’t Sebastian like a normal person. In the sixth, Bastian talks to a therapist for two hours about his experiences inside a book. In the seventh, he and the empress finally get it on to seedy porno music.







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