Pikachu Beats Bush in Playground Battle

Playground, Billy Dee Elementary School - n a surprisingly short and unbalanced battle, Pikachu beat President Bush this afternoon as children from grades K through 5 looked on in dismay. Pikachu, who maintains a +10 quick attack, and a 5-point defense, was too much of a match for the leader of the free world: Bush, despite being able to blow up nations at the push of a button, lacked any vital offensive/defensive stats with which to combat the Pokemon.

"Whoa, what a lame card," said Pikachu commander Tommy Filmore, age 10. "Bush can't do anything! I mean, just about any advanced Pokemon can stop Pikachu, or at least hit back pretty hard. But Bush doesn't evolve or anything.

"I was pretty disappointed with the President's performance," said Bush commander Jimmy Herfman, age 9. "My parents are always telling me how he's so great, and that the ability to give tax breaks are the best superpower anyone could wish for, but on his card all it says is that he called Mayor Giuliani to pledge his full support. That's stupid."

The shameful personal combat skills of the President shocked many. Onlookers wondered how the President could successfully lead an entire war on terrorism if he himself could not beat a Japanese cartoon character. "At first I thought no one could mess with Texas anymore, but that's just not true," said Andrew Jones, a 4th grader who watched the match. "Is everything I've been taught about America a lie? I'm too young to lose the innocence of childhood! Boo-hoo-hoo!"

President Bush himself was stunned to learn he had been beaten. "Where was my jocular-nicknaming ability?! Where was the Lone-Star Left Hook?" he cried. "That dumb kid should have at least used the death penalty! This certainly shows you something about our children's learnin'. That's why I'm the Education President."







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