Lost Train of Thought Jumps Tracks, Kills Four

  BOSTON- A local man lost his train of thought yesterday afternoon, causing it to derail, overturn, and crush passengers in several cars. Four deaths and thirty-four injuries were reported, as well as a missing sexual fantasy and five daydreams.

"I thought it was just an expression!", swore the man responsible for the runaway train of thought, Harry Linkman, who wished to remain anonymous. "I was thinking about the list of groceries my wife wanted me to get on my way home that night, and then I passed a gay bar ... the next thing I knew…I'm sorry! I didn't know a train of thought could cause something so…wait, what were we talking about again?"

Rescue crews worked through the night, trying to remove the debris and get to as many trapped occupants as possible. Crew chief Louis Porter was not optimistic, though. "Steel-cutting saws and Jaws of Life can only do so much when you're trying to cut through seventeen years' worth of repressed sexuality and two, maybe three schizo personalities," said Porter. "Fortunately, this guy's also got low self-esteem; it makes his ego really small and easy to get around."

Asked if there was any hope that he could save all the occupants and the emotionally scarred Linkman, Porter only replied, "I think I can, I think I can."







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