America Opens Can of Whoop-Ass on Taliban

Kabul, Afghanistan - American bombers, supported by American and British ships and submarines, opened up a can of whoop-ass on the Taliban in the morning yesterday. Pentagon officials later confirmed that the whoop-ass had taken the form of Tomahawk missiles, which had "gone airstrike-ish on the Afghanistan infrastructure's ass," said one general.

"This is a serious matter," said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. "We are resolute in our position and will continue to lay the smackdown on the Taliban until they comply with America's demands."

A reporter in a village some miles north of the bombing area was able to confirm that the bombs had used a force of at least 150 AWF, or Ass-Whooping-Factor. Information was incomplete, however, on the number of ass whoopings caused by the bombings, though leaders of both American and British governments repeated through the day that their intention was to put some serious hurt on the Taliban only, not the Afghani people.

Bin Laden has vowed to continue attacks against the United States until it leaves the Middle East and Israel is destroyed, and though analysts consider his threats credible, it is unlikely Al Qaeda, his organization, will be able use anything on level with whoop ass, which is distinctly American.







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