Time for yet another new feature here at the Fine Line Online! How do we do it? No, really, if you know how we do it, please tell us. Usually we just wake up out of a haze and see new articles lying around. Anyway, this feature is called “Fake Science Corner”. Some newspapers have a “Science Corner” where they answer reader’s questions about science, but that’s boring, and nobody ever remembers the explanations anyway. So we’ve taken the concept and upped the entertainment value. If you have a question you want us to answer on Fake Science Corner, write us at editors@finelineonline.com. This week, we answer questions about genetic engineering.

Q: Finelineonline.com, what exactly is "genetic engineering?"
A: Genetic engineering is the manipulation of tiny little things in your body called genes, which determine how you grow and how smart you are and what your body odor will smell like and whether the opposite sex will ever find you attractive. With genetic engineering, scientists are beginning to discover ways to alter these little genes so that bad or unhealthy things in our bodies don't develop.


Q: How will it benefit humankind?
A: Genetic engineering is a very promising field of science, and in the coming years, expect to see many medical miracles due to discoveries from studying the human genome. Diseases could be cured, lifespans could be increased, but the biggest benefit genetic engineering would have to be the ability to grow extra body parts and attach them to ourselves. Especially noses.


Q: Noses?
A:Yes, noses. Noses, it turns out, are the easiest part of the body to manipulate and grow more of. This is a blessing to all mankind, for a nose in the right place could be your best friend in many a situation. Consider: think you might have bad breath but don't want to be obvious about finding out? Just grow a nose on the roof of your mouth, and you could tell! Think your feet might smell bad but are really afraid to take that sweaty foot out of your shoe? A nose instead of a pinky toe would do the trick! But most importantly, what if you were at a party and someone told a funny joke and you were about to blow milk out of your nose? That would be horribly embarassing. But say you had nose in the palm of your hand? Why, you could politely and discreetly blow the milk out of THAT nose into a handkerchief or tissue! No mess, no embarassment, no stained dress of your date who's only there with you as a favor to her friend! Yes, readers, the miracles of genetic engineering will cure us once and for all of the nasal fluid-spew disasters of which we live in fear!







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