List: New Regulations - The U.S. Army Gets Safe

Guns:
- Point open end away from self.
- Do not shoot anyone with gun unless you really mean it.
- Do not shoot self in foot.
- Do not shoot anyone else in foot.
- To maximize safety, do not shoot anyone, period.
- Gun is not a toy.
- Toy gun is a toy, but is not a gun.
- “My First Revolver” is both a toy and a gun.
- An orange is neither a toy nor a gun.
- An apple is not an orange.
- Do not use gun as insect repellant.

Bombs:
- Do not stand near/under falling bomb.
- Do not ride bomb to target waving cowboy hat and yelling “Yee-haw!”
- Do not attempt to defuse bomb by kicking it.
- Do not taunt bomb.
- Do not attempt to play "Bomb Pong".
- Do not dispose of bomb by using larger bomb.
- Do not toss bomb in the trash – it goes in the recycling bin.
- Do not attempt to juggle bomb.

Food:
- Chew food before swallowing.
- Pour water on dehydrated meals before consuming.
- If dehydrated meal is eaten without water, do not drink water afterwards.
- Do not start food fights with food.
- If a food fight is started, do not use gun or bomb to escalate food fight.
- Do not attempt to consume food nasally.

Miscellaneous:
- Do not stand directly in front of jet intake.
- Do not operate nuclear submarine if you’re drunk.
- Definitely do not operate nuclear submarine if you’re really drunk.
- Despite their name, smart bombs are not intelligent. Do not ask them for advice.
- Aircraft carriers always have the right of way.
- Do not use depth charge as Jamaican steel drum.
- Do not attempt to moon enemy pilots from cockpit of F-16.
- Pants must be worn at all times while operating M1A1 battle tank.
- No shirt, no shoes, no Stinger.

Priority One Safety Regulation, When All Else Fails:
- Run away! Run away!







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