From: “Bill Glehm” (e-mail withheld)
To: markb@finelineonline.com
Subject: volunteer flyer

Hi--hope all is well...would like to request a new supply of volunteer
flyers that you did for us---whatever is convenient (250 or 500). Let me
know if I need to come and pick them up. Thanks, Mark---they've been a nice
addition to some of my recruiting efforts.

Bill Glehm, Director--Community Resources
Food Bank of the Rockies

"Life is like licking honey off a thorn."


To: “Bill Glehm” (e-mail withheld)
Re: volunteer flyer

Dear Bill Glehm,

You've clearly emailed the wrong person, and therefore we have no good reason to pass
judgement on a letter meant for someone else.

So let’s get right to it, then, shall we?

We were disturbed that you, a director of a food bank, an epitomy of philanthropic,
altruistic benevolence, have a life philosophy which believes one must suffer pain to
one's tongue to sample sweetness. Certainly we would make more flyers for you, but
now we're too busy worrying about whether there are thorns in our food, and if there
are, who's been licking honey off them!

In a ominous, forboding vision of 57901 W. 74th Avenue, Denver, CO 93208, we heard
this conversation:
"Ten packages of canned soup? Okay, then -- lick this thorn."
"What?? Why?!"
"Hey, pal, that's just the way life is."

We sincerely hope our vision does not come to pass.

“Life is like frolicking naked in a pool of chocolate syrup, and then rubbing yourself against as many people as you can”--
The Fine Line Online

Editors' Note: We received a second letter from Bill complaining about our portrayal of food banks. We would like to make it clear to all our readers that we do not honestly believe any of the criticisms we just leveled, or that Bill would put thorns in anyone's soup, or that Bill's life philosophy would be extended to reality in a such an absurd, extreme manner. Food banks are in fact respectable and much-needed institutions which by their nature would not make people lick thorns to get help; sharp objects in our food are no laughing matter either. Unless your favorite cereal is "Shards O' Wheat."


From: Directhelp@earthlink.com
To: The Fine Line Online
Subject: BILL"S AT YOUR GATE? CONSOLIDATE! 29250

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To: Directhelp@earthlink.com
Re: BILL”S AT YOUR GATE? CONSOLIDATE! 29250

Dear Directhelp@earthlink.com,

Well, there’s bills at our gate,
The collector’s at the door,
There’s creditors climbin’ on our back,
As for money, ain’t got no more!

We got the Debt Consolidation Blues, oh yeah,
The economy’s down and so are we,
Won’t you help us, Directhelp@earthlink.com
Consolidate before we hit pov-er-teeeeey??!!

Bad spending habits done us wrong, uh-huh,
The Fine Line Online



From: givemeasign (xbantempoqlfqpl@netscape.com)
To: The Fine Line Online
Subject: Register now and watch are giveaway list grow

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To: givemeasign (xbantempoqlfqpl@netscape.com)
Re: Register now and watch are giveaway list grow

Dear givemeasign,

Please verify that your use of uppercase letters throughout your mail created this
subliminal message: “GIVEAWAY NOW USA YOU HURRY NOW”
Despite your bad grammar, we believe that you want us to hurry and give away the
United States. Though we don’t know who you are or what your motives might be, go
ahead, here’s the United States of America, all yours. All you have do is come pick
it up.

Mmm…Bahama Mama …
The Fine Line Online



From: aidan@chbyahlhyak.email.cz
To: The Fine Line Online
Subject: Top U.S. Company Seeks Homebased Partners

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To: aidan@chbyahlhyak.email.cz
Re: Top U.S. Company Seeks Homebased Partners

Dear aidan@chbyahlhyak.email.cz,

We bet you didn’t know our boss was Jesus, did you?? That’s right! And you know what
he says about profit – “Profit, Schmofit!” Depending on who you ask (Frank, really)
Jesus doesn’t even believe in material possessions!
And for your information, Jesus holds the legal rights to miracles. So if you don’t
stop your false advertising, HE WILL SHOW YOU A LAWSUIT THAT IS NOTHING SHORT OF THE
FURY OF GOD. And despite the jokes, Heaven has some damn good lawyers.

Soon to be knocking at your door with pamphlets,
The Fine Line Online







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